Early on in my adulthood I have stopped believing in fate stories. Two lost souls searching each other and uniting into completeness. Living happily ever after. Stories that represent a decent portion of children’s fairy tales and nearly every second Hollywood’s plot is entertaining as a theme.
We are born and die alone. If this does not imply that we are complete individuals, don’t know what else could support my argument. Anyway, I am not kicking off a romantic novel here. Just trying to get my point across.
As a person with a pretty sharp idea of individual completeness in mind, it makes it difficult to admit that I have spent a decent portion of my adult life being completely naïve about my own individual completeness.
Throughout nearly two decades of my corporate career I have never doubted about the existence of two types of me. A ‘professional me’ and a ‘personal me’. One would get up and drive to the office, do the work, finish it and check out. The moment I would exit the office building, another one would jump in and usually cover the rest of the day and weekends.
I would cross my Rubicon every single day. Would nurture this fine line between the two without ever questioning the soundness of my theory. Everything seemed to be working. They had a nice and collaborative relationship, and practically lived happily ever after. Resistant to allow any hypothetical blending of the two, I have introduced some smart practices into my daily agenda that turned out to be a true blessing in optimizing my work - life balance. Such as keeping my company mobile away after working hours. Never ever have I been tempted to check it. I just leave it in my purse on silent and take it out the next day after arriving at the office. With time people learned that they would not get my answer earlier than the next day. So they stopped calling outside office hours.
Ignorant to any attempts to bring my work home, I have stubbornly resisted to utilize a corporate benefit called home office two days a month in the previous two years. Even worse, could not comprehend why anyone single and without family to look after would ever opt for this perk.
Hell no! I would rather die than take my work home. At least not voluntarily as there were for sure many occasions when I worked during the evenings and weekends to catch up deadlines.
But, hey - these were exceptions!
What happened?
Mid of March happened. They told us that ‘as of Monday we should all stay at home and deploy remote working mode'. Outbreak of pandemic and a lockdown.
I was so upset about it that I had to empty a bottle of wine that Friday evening discussing with my best friend how unfair and brutal it was. The very notion of installing office equipment in my living room was so upsetting that I could not brag about it for a couple of days. Grouch by all means of its definition. After all, my 'professional me' became an official roommate to my 'personal me'.
Truly challenging period of my life.
Two weeks. Two weeks and a session with a therapist. This is how long it took for me to accept the truth.
I was naïve.
There are no multiple me’s. No multiple you’s or multiple anyone's.
Just one. With its purpose, values, habits, hopes, efforts.
We are all playing different roles depending on the circumstances. Sometimes we are managers, leaders, employees, daughters, sisters, friends, lovers. The roles change throughout life, years, months, days. Each role has its time and place. Sometimes they mix, interfere, collide. But what remains unchanged is the underlying truth that they are just faces of a unique indivisible us.
I could now argue why it took me so long to realize this. I could even offer some pretty solid stories that would rationalize my old point of view into such a compelling advocacy that you may nod your head and say ‘Got ya, sister.’
But that is not a point.
I know that there are many people out there dealing with some sort of cognitive dissonance. Either in their professional careers, roles as parents, kids, spouses, friends, neighbours, citizens.
The reasons for it could vary and come from numerous angles. Normally they represent a sort of misalignment we have with ourselves. Which we usually and persistently attempt to rationalize. Sometime for years, decades. Lifetime.
Don’t get trapped into the compellingness of your own self-talk. There are no multiple you’s. Just one. With its purpose, values, habits, hopes, efforts. With its Why.
“It is everlasting and must be relevant in both your personal and professional life. It is a statement of your value at work as much as it is the reason your friends love you. We don’t have a professional WHY and personal WHY. We are who we are wherever we are.”
Simon Sinek, ‘Find Your Why:
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